Independence. From a very early age we are intentionally encouraged to develop our own autonomy, to think on our own and to be able to make our own decisions. It doesn’t take much time after we get out of our mother’s womb, when we all begin to learn the importance of having our own set of ideas, to come up with our own solutions to life’s challenges and to start putting our lives together.
These important lessons of self-sufficiency and self-determination are essential to the nurturing and maintenance of our personal freedom -- freedom of choice, freedom of thought. However, in our drive to build our own identity and to create our sense of individuality, we oftentimes forget the also (and perhaps even more) vital concept of true partnership, alliance and collaboration.
I can even dare to say that most of us go on to develop a sense of shame when we realize that at some point in our lives we would benefit from the simple act of asking for help. Together with building our independence, we tend to develop the idea that as adults we are supposed to single-handedly figure it all out. And if we don’t, it is because there must be something wrong with us. With that in mind, we build a shield around us (Everything is fine!) and we slowly become day after day a bit more isolated.
Yes, we all know the importance and the benefits of nurturing strong relationships with our families, partners, friends and co-workers. However, as fundamental as these connections are, they are most effective when giving us emotional and moral support. It is fun to be together. We need love. We need to have a sense of belonging and to really care for each other. But when it comes time for decision-making, planning and life strategies, social connections often lack the focus, the expertise and unbiased assessment of our situation.
Even though our loved ones are quick and eager to give us all the support they have, they will most likely fall short of offering us substantial tools that will help us clarify, select and make our best choices.
That is when trouble begins. Without that expert support, millions of us go about our lives stumbling upon opportunities, options and possibilities, wasting away a considerable amount of our time, money, energy and talent simply because we didn’t take the humble step of asking for help.
So, my question for you is this: Where are you in life right now? Are you trying to fly solo? Are you trying to figure it all out on your own? Why? You don’t have to. Remember, humans work best when they work together.
In the next couple of messages, I will be talking about specific reasons why having a mentor or a coach make such a difference in anyone’s lives. Among these reasons: accountability, space, unbiased perspective, direct communication, focus and dedicated attention. I invite you to stay tuned. I hope they will inspire you to take action.
No, you don’t need to do it alone. Do yourself a favor. Take courage and take the plunge. There is absolutely no shame on asking for help. And when you do, you will be wondering why it took you so long.
